If you’re like me, you’ve watched Adult Swim from the very beginning. My brother with his Slurpee and I with my 32oz. torpedo of Pabst would eat more popcorn than our stomachs could hold and wait with eager anticipation for the next episode of Home Movies, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Cowboy Bebop, TriGun, Sealab 2021, and Aqua Teen. It was a glorious time to be alive.

However, after a few years the programming began to change. Baby Blues, Mission Hill and The Oblongs never sat well with me. Then, they started playing episodes of Family Guy and Futurama. What? Network cartoons?! These betrayals tried my allegiance, but I stood by my men and women of the ‘Toon Network like a loyal sailor in one of those cute little outfits. Little did I know it was a sinking ship.

Now, with their recent rash of terrorist activities, I can no longer march shoulder to shoulder in the Adult Swim army. Their leaders order effigies of Mooninities to be fashioned in souped-up Light Brights and left around strategically chosen soft-targets. And now this blatant propaganda, shown in the adjacent image, mocking Christmas with twisted, contorted faces frozen in fiendish revelry. Sickening and hateful.

Why do you hate our way of life, oh Masters of Adult Swim? End your onslaught now and bring back Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law or perhaps some new episodes of The Brak Show. Robot Chicken is pretty cool, but it’s not enough. Return to your early ways of indie-animation absurdity and stop trying to take over the world and trying to be all badass and stuff. Please, my brother and I beg you to listen to reason. Come home to us Adult Swim, come home.